


If True Love Hurts Then This Could Almost Kill Me

by ImMoreThanThis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sorry?, again occasional mentions of the other boys, but it works so well, this is a song fic, which i normally hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 14:50:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImMoreThanThis/pseuds/ImMoreThanThis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis misses Harry a lot and that's all there is to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If True Love Hurts Then This Could Almost Kill Me

**Author's Note:**

> A song fic (I know, I hate them too, but I promise it's worth it). I suggest listening to The Harold Song by Ke$ha while reading.

The tires of the tour bus slid through the rain, kicking up little droplets of water and sending them into the air once again.  
Louis was alone. He wanted to be alone, it wasn’t just because everyone else seemed to want to be in Harry’s tour bus more than the one he was in. He sat silently in the living room area, staring out the window and listening to those little sloshes of water trying to escape from their fate of being kicked up by the tires. But none of them could.  
Just like he couldn’t escape the fate of being terribly depressed on this certain rainy August day.  
And on this lousy, dreary day, he couldn’t help but want to listen to something depressing; something sad and lonely that brought out the inner turmoil he was always subjected to.  
So he curled up next to the window with his iPhone in hand, tried to ignore the wallpaper that he never got around to changing and pressed play on the play list that his fingers always traveled to on milestones of their past relationship. Today was the most important of those milestones.  
It had now been one year. One year since the best thing in his life walked away. One year since he lost his best friend and his love and his reason to be. He really didn’t know why he stayed here anymore.  
No, that was a lie. He was here for his family, for the boys, and for the everyday ache of when he got to see that certain someone who ruined his life. That’s why he was here, alone, so very alone.  
And so he pressed play and the music drown out the slight hum of the bus and the tapping of the driver and the little voice in his mind that kept telling him he should be with his friends instead of trapped up inside this tour bus feeling sorry for himself.  
The familiar beat of the most heartbreaking song he knew filled his ears and he couldn’t help but let himself sing along to the powerful lyrics that none other than Ke$ha was belting out behind her ballad ‘The Harold Song’. His favorite. The song he always turned to when he wanted nothing more than to cry. 

“I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets  
I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek”

“Pst, Louis.”  
“Hmph.”  
“Louis wake up.”  
“What Harry,” Louis groaned, emphasizing the word ‘what’ in attempts at getting his point across.  
“Good morning boo bear.” And how in the world could Louis be annoyed when he woke up to the chubby cheeked little Harry Styles face that held a goofy smile and a cup of tea.  
“Good morning love,” Louis replied back, kissing the scrawny boy on his nose and wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Sleep well?” he questioned, feeling the burn of his love for Harry seep into his chest. Or maybe that was just the fact that the tea was far too hot; either way, it was still painful.  
Harry simply nodded and rubbed his soft, child- like cheek against Louis’ stubby, adult like one. There was always that unsettling difference between the two- Louis was more like an adult, though acting like a child, and Harry was more like a child, acting like an adult. And while they complimented the other in the most perfect way, there was still the fear that one day their differences would end up too vast for them to leave unnoticed.  
But until that day, Louis was perfectly fine waking up to the soft lips and tea and the calming smell of Harry all around him. 

”And this is so hard 'cause I didn't see,  
That you were the love of my life and it kills me”

And maybe they didn’t always remember that they were perfect for each other and maybe sometimes Louis thought Harry would be better off with some skinny model. And occasionally Harry thought that Louis would be better off with someone who was equally as insane and loud and goofy and just not Harry.  
But maybe Louis should have held on to him tighter and told him that he loved him more often. But he didn’t.  
And maybe Louis shouldn’t have been so insecure and needy and maybe then Harry wouldn’t have drifted away so fast.  
And maybe their friendship wouldn’t be as ruined as it was now. 

“I see your face in strangers on the street  
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep”

And when they were through and finished and each was broken, Louis found himself talking in his sleep more often then not. And that’s when Harry decided he needed to have a different tour bus.  
Maybe he was guilty. Maybe he just couldn’t stand the sound of the elder crying out and just pleading for Harry to take him back, though he would never remember it in the morning. It was pitiful and sad and made Louis wish he could fix whatever was broken.  
So Zayn moved out with Harry into the new bus and Niall and Liam stayed with the sleep talker because Niall was a heavy sleeper and Liam knew he would do nothing but worry unless he was there.  
And that’s just how it stayed- Louis sobbing and Liam worrying and Niall sleeping and Zayn confronting and Harry just being his oblivious self.  
But the band stayed in tact fine. 

”And in the limelight, I play it off fine  
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.  
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light”

And they played up the bromance still. Harry would send Louis loving looks and Louis would smile and fondly touch his arm or knee or hair or something so that the fans wouldn’t suspect they had a falling out.  
If an interviewer mentioned something about them being in a relationship then Louis would laugh his cold hearted laugh and state how the fans were crazy but they loved them anyways and would never deny it. No, he never would deny it just in case Harry ever changed his mind.  
But Harry always stayed quite and reserved after said questions and pretended like everything was okay but it really wasn’t. And Liam still worried and Niall still slept and ate and Zayn still tried to understand what had happened between the teen world’s most beloved pair.  
And everyone thought Louis was fine and happy and dating Eleanor Calder like he always had been. And when she came to ‘visit’ (also known as her time to talk to one of her best friends and pretend to be in a relationship with him), she would cuddle with him in his bunk and listen to him cry and rub his back and make him feel loved.  
Except she never really could make him feel loved like Harry made him feel and she knew that and Liam knew that and everyone knew that. Even Simon knew that.  
And so when she sat with him, she’d shut off the tiny light in the bunk and lay there and be everything he needed because she knew he wouldn’t get it anywhere else. And Louis loved her for that, he would always tell her, and she’d always smile and kiss his cheek and tell him that’s what friends are for. 

“They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone”  
He didn’t want to always be alone. He wanted Harry, he desperately did. But he didn’t ever want to go crawling to him, because that’s just childish and immature and he didn’t want to be the one to apologize to Harry for absolutely no reason at all.  
But he could always feel his heart beating and breaking and the little pieces of it all floating around inside him. It made him feel like jello and made his knees weak but it made sense. He was nothing and Harry had established that and there was not a thing he could do about it.  
Louis was slowly collapsing, not that Harry would notice anyways. But Liam and Niall and Zayn and the fans all noticed. Harry was doing his best to completely ignore Louis in any way possible, until the moment they were playing live in front of thousands of people, or when they were in an interview with cameras watching their every move.  
It was then that he played up the friendship, making everything seem like it was completely fine.  
But as soon as it was over, Harry was gone and Louis was crumbling into the ground and just trying to keep his head above the water that was Harry Styles’ existence.  
Their love was perfect for those near two years prior to this moment, but now it was dead and gone and there was nothing they could do about it.  
Nothing Louis could do about it, at least. 

“The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone”  
“Louis?”  
“Yeah babe?”  
“Will you cuddle with me?”  
That was the first time that Harry had ever asked for Louis to actually cuddle- normally he just did it without asking. And with that little thought in mind, he nodded and pulled the younger lad into his side.  
After a few beats of silence, Harry spoke again, more gravely and slightly hesitant. “Lou?”  
“Yeah Haz?”  
“Would you die for me?”  
“Of course Hazza, you mean more to me than life.”  
“Okay good. You know it’s the same for you, right?”  
Louis nodded. “I shouldn’t mean so much to you though, Lou. What happens when we break up? Or if something ever happens? I don’t want that to be the end for you.”  
The striped boy didn’t pay attention to the implication behind Harry’s words, simply dismissed them and rolled his eyes. “But you nutter, I can’t undo the past. I already am so in love with you.”  
If Louis was paying more attention, he would have noticed the little shiver and tense shoulders and how Harry audibly gulped. “You too Lou, you too.”

“Remember the time we jumped the fence when  
The Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in  
You held my hand and they made me cry while  
I swore to God it was the best night of my life”

It may not have been the Stones that made Louis cry, but it was a band, and it was Harry’s fault and he wished he could relive that day more than anything.  
“The Script? Harry really?” Louis smirked, not completely understanding why Harry was taking him to this concert on their 6 month anniversary.  
Harry was discouraged when he realized that Louis hadn’t the faintest of ideas as to why they were there. “You don’t remember,” he simply said, tugging the smaller boy along regardless. Louis laughed and confirmed that with a nod, swinging his and Harry’s hand dramatically through the air.  
They reached their seats and Louis felt that air of déjà vu, but didn’t really understand why he felt like that. Harry held a smirk tight on his face and waited patiently for his boyfriend to finally know the reasoning behind this all.  
“The Script!” Louis yelled, receiving hundreds of odd looks but the only look that mattered was Harry’s look of accomplishment. “We were both in this arena together without knowing the other!” Louis grinned, looking around in awe.  
Harry beamed and agreed, before taking out a worn ticket stub and showing it to Louis. “And I managed to snag the same seats you sat in last time,” he noted, seeing Louis smile a little wider than before. “Thank you,” Lousis said, gripping Harry’s hand tightly and waiting patiently (or impatiently) to see the band perform.  
And this time it was so much more meaningful and lovely and Louis may have shed some tears but that’s okay because Harry did too. So they spent the night together and laughed and smiled and it WAS the best night of Louis’ life until their first tour and when they played the Olympics pushed it farther down in the rankings. But it was still amazing. 

“Or when you took me across the world  
We promised that this would last forever but now I see  
It was my past life, a beautiful time  
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise  
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise”

England, France, America, Canada, Mexico, Asia, Australia; they went everywhere together. It may have just been for the band, but they were seeing the world together and it was magical.  
They kissed in different countries and hid from the fans and were in love and in secret and everything in the world was okay. They were giddy little teenagers at eighteen and twenty, experiencing love for the first time and loving the taste it left on their tongues.  
They were giggly and loving and pretending to be something they weren’t for the public and relishing the time when they could be themselves. Late nights in the room with the boys goofing off and getting drunk and laughing and dancing and most importantly pissing off Paul.  
And they smiled more and the fans loved every second of it. The Larry Stylinson rumors flew around and management got pissed but that’s what made it even more entertaining.  
But it dwindled fast, too fast for Louis to even catch what was happening. Harry became distant and shy and no longer cared about what was happening and the band and most importantly Louis.  
And nights left Louis in tears until the sunrise, sobbing over his lost love and how hard it was to try to keep up his front every day. To not only pretend that he was with Eleanor and they both were happy, but also to pretend that his real relationship wasn’t bursting at the seams and breaking into a million pieces.  
He hated it all, but he had to do whatever he had to do. If that meant sitting next to his ex in an interview and kissing a girl when he clearly had no interest in it for the sake of the bad, so be it. 

”They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone”  
Louis could clearly remember the first night they spent apart in weeks. Though he wished he could whisk that memory away, it was stuck there, scared and engraved into his skin.  
“You’re pathetic.”  
“You’re disgusting.”  
“You’re weak.”  
“You should go to hell.”  
“Meet you there babe.”  
“I HATE YOU.”  
And though Harry might have been the one who initiated the fight, Louis surely was the one who ended it with those three little words. Normally the three little words spoken had more to do with the heart rather than his spontaneous mind, but it wasn’t like he could help it.  
It was a timeless fight- Harry wanted to come out to the public and Louis simply was not ready for that, no matter how much Harry tried to convince him that everything would be alright. Despite the amount of ‘Larry Stylinson’ fan fictions and appreciation posts and love and support, Louis always had that undeniable fear that for some reason, everything would go wrong and he would end up all alone.  
And in retrospect, that’s just what ended up happening due to his sensitivity and determination.  
He was alone in the bedroom that he normally shared with Harry, but he had no idea where the other lad was. No, he wanted to call him and make sure he was safe, wherever he was, but that would be even weaker and just prove how much he relied on Harry.  
So he let the tears of self hatred and depression and regret cloud his sky colored orbs and pretended not to hear Niall or Liam or Zayn or whoever it was knock on the door.  
But his pretending was short lived as someone crawled into bed with him, wrapping their arms around him and it only took Louis a moment of smelling the strong scent of cigarette smoke to know it was Zayn. He deflated into his grip and let himself go and shook his head when Zayn tried to tell him everything was going to be okay.  
Because no matter how much Louis wanted to deny it, he knew that this was the beginning of the end. He knew he wouldn’t be ready for a long time and he simply couldn’t hold Harry down like that and not expect him to try and run.  
Though he was with Zayn, he was practically sleeping alone and he hated it, but he had to get used to it. He knew he would, and that brought on the newest wave of inconsolable tears. 

“The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone”

But the time that hurt the most was when Harry was absolutely, one hundred percent watching him fall apart and pretending he had no idea.  
It wasn’t even like they were in public- they were situated in the tour bus living room with the others and Harry was going on about some new girl he was screwing. He didn’t remember her name or much about her, he just kept droning on and on about how she screamed and how perfect it was. He knew he was breaking Louis and that idiotic smirk continued to grow and grow until he was satisfied with the result.  
“Would you quit it?” Liam snapped before Louis had the chance to break down. Harry faked innocence and pouted. “Whatever are you talking about, Liam? I was just sharing an experience. The whole world could know and I wouldn’t care.”  
He knew that struck a nerve with Louis, not only because of their past but also by the way he tried to be nonchalant about covering his face to hide the tears.  
“Oh what’s the matter Louis, missing your little girlfriend?” Harry bitterly sneered, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Harry,” Zayn warned, glaring up from his phone at the youngest boy.  
“What, he can’t take the pressure? Yeah, I couldn’t either,” he replied, picking at his fingernails like it was no big deal. “Harry,” Niall roared, slightly louder than necessary but what was the difference? Louis had already lost it and they all knew it, Harry the most.  
So Harry walked out of the room, leaving a sobbing Louis and three boys that had no idea how to consol the eldest, most broken member of the band. So they simply cocooned Louis and promised him everything would be alright, even when they knew it wouldn’t. 

“It was a past life, a beautiful time  
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise”

Harry learned to accept it. The fans learned the new ‘Larry’ that involved little touching and little jokes and no real connection. Everyone learned the new Louis and forgot about the past. It was a different time and a different world.  
But Louis still managed to stumble across certain fan accounts every once in a while with tweets about what had happened to Larry Stylinson.  
Some said that Louis was far too happy with Eleanor to care about Harry anymore.  
Some said that management forced them to break up.  
But only few were right when it came to the truth. That they really had broken up over Harry wanting to come out but Louis not wanting to and simple, resolvable issues. But they were too far over the edge now to care about what others said and thought and what really should have happened.  
They simply ruined Larry Stylinson and Louis would never be able to forgive himself for not giving in and not making everything all right again. 

“They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone”

And as the final lyrics played, Louis couldn’t help but sob at the perfect description of their relationship from a song that most people had never even heard. He pressed the pause button and rolled up the earphones, careful not to let them tangle like the mess his life is did.  
And he replayed the song again, this time for anyone to hear as he made himself a cup of tea, sniffling lightly and humming along with the lyrics. He heard the door open, but put it off to being either Niall or Liam, coming to pretend they had forgotten something when really they just were checking up on their friend.  
So he continued in adding sugar and milk to it like Harry would have though he hated the taste of it. But it reminded him of his love and it wasn’t something he was about to give up.  
He hummed along to the lyrics again, throat catching every once in a while despite his wishes. He sits back against the window to watch the rain and waits for some sort of question from the intruder of his quiet day, watching as the bus hums to life again, not that he noticed it ever stopped.  
“Look, I’m really not in the mood to deal with your interrogations today-“ Louis cut himself off when he turned to the doorway and saw the person he least expected to see today. “Harry?”  
His curls were plastered down against his face from the rain he undoubtedly walked through to make it to Louis’ bus. His clothes were wrinkled and he was shaking and Louis might have been mistaken, but it looked like there were red rims running around his green eyes.  
“Wha- I mean- huh?” Louis just couldn’t seem to make out clear sentences with Harry in such close proximity looking like a lost puppy dog that was kicked to the curb. The Harold Song was still playing in the background, guiding them through this awkward situation.  
“Hi Louis,” he chattered out, freezing cold in the air conditioned bus. Lou automatically went into mother mode, mumbling something about grabbing Harry some dry clothes and requesting for him to follow, which he did.  
As Louis pulled out a pair of Harry’s sweats and an old t shirt, the younger male couldn’t help but laugh. “You still have my clothes?” he pondered, smiling weakly. “You may be through with me, but I still cared,” Louis growled before thundering off back to his seat.  
Harry got changed and watched himself carefully in the mirror, trying to strengthen himself for what was to come. He looked tired and worn and broken underneath the mask he had perfected so well, he almost didn’t know how to take it off.  
But when he made it to the living area and almost had to turn back when he glanced upon the wet trail on Louis’ check. He sat almost on top of the older boy, far enough to make it okay but close enough where Louis had no choice but to look at him.  
“What,” Louis spit bitterly, not looking away from following the rain drops down the cool glass. “I'm sorry,” Harry said simply, also not attempting to make eye contact with Louis.  
“You’re sorry?!” Louis boomed, allowing his hands to flail in exaggeration. “Sorry. You’re SORRY. That’s rich Harry, really rich. Especially today of all days,” Louis bit his lip in attempts to keep his tears at bay.  
But Harry was already long gone, freely allowing his pain to flow down his face. “Louis I really am sorry,” Harry pleaded, resting a hand on Louis’ knee for only a moment before it was pushed off.  
“Again with the apologies. That’s bullshit and we both know it. Everyone knows it actually! What, just wanna play with my emotions again? Wanna see how much you can tear me down before you leave and go fuck a grandmother again? Is that what you want!” Louis screamed through the tears, momentarily blocking out the soft ring of the music.  
“No! Louis I just-“ Harry cried, getting interrupted again. “You what, you wanted to come see me on my most vulnerable day? The day you told me I was nothing? The day you ended us? Yeah, okay.”  
“Louis listen to me!” Harry barked through a sob. And all was silent for a moment. ‘ “I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back to this day a year ago and compromise; listen to you when you said you didn’t want to come out yet. I should have respected that and god I don’t know why I let it be a year before I said something. It may or may not have been Liam, Niall and Zayn ambushing me on my bus, demanding that I watched some silly fan video about missing Larry. And I’m so glad I did, I just.. I don’t know how to live without you. I was never screwing anyone else while we were apart, I could never. My heart still screamed for you all the time, ask Zayn. I’m pretty sure he wanted to kill me over the amount of times I woke him up sobbing or screaming or just needing someone to hold me. I fucked up, Louis, I really did. And I regret it all. I want to fix it, please let me fix it. This time we don’t have to tell anyone, it can just be us. I’d do anything just to get you back. Hell, even as a friend! I don’t care, I just miss us. I miss cuddling on the couch and playing pranks and getting drunk and driving everyone insane! I miss your smile and the way you smell and your laugh lines and your gorgeous eyes and literally everything about you. I’m so sorry Louis,” he cut himself off with a palm closing around his mouth.  
If he had stuck around for a moment longer, he would have seen Louis sob too and nod, accepting it all. But Harry ran off to the bathroom in attempts to console his breaking heart by the cold look Louis had given him throughout his entire speech.  
But Louis chased after him and pounded on the door and waited until Harry would open. And when he did, Louis nodded another tear-filled nod and launched himself at the younger boy, both crying into each other’s shoulders.  
Because they may not be perfect- no, they were far closer to a mess than perfect- but they were Harry and Louis. Harry and Louis who fought and loved and cried and smiled and were going to take the world by storm.  
And as they shared the first kiss (of many) in over a year, The Harold Song played on in the background.


End file.
